Just like you cannot find someone the same as you, you cannot find that same special connection and bond, friendship you share with a best friend, a lover, a husband/wife, sister/brother, pet, tree it is always going to be different…always….So the loss of someone by death or a break up or in whichever way is a loss of what you share specifically with that person. You will never experience the same thing with another. Expectation of finding the same thing is an illusion. It is not bad or good, it’s not better or worse it only is so if you compare and have a specific conclusion, a point of view on how the other should be, act, what a specific relationship and connection should be like and feel like. Trying to define it instead of watching, allowing and experiencing what that is. If you do so you cannot be there with the other person and will never find out.
We are all so different, different little pieces that make up us and then what it creates together when the other brings in their own individual elements. It is so beautiful. There is no specific caring or love that is correct, this is caring, this is loving, this is not, this means this and this means that. It depends on the person, and it is the awareness and acceptance of the other as being different then who you are without blaming them or yourself and attempting to change yourself or the other. There is nothing to change just to be, to be with the other as yourself and allowing them to be themselves. To be there within your body’s awareness and not with your mind and it’s preconceived ideas, views, and judgments.
It’s an acceptance, a love, a gratefulness of what you are together when these two beings with different designs meet. What if we took the time instead of perceiving the other’s behavior through a preconceived lense of what is correct or not, we actually opened our eyes and treated and accepted the other for who they are? Got to know what being them is for them, who they are. What they consider caring, and loving? Doesn’t that sound like more fun?
If we don’t like what our mechanics create and are together, if it is not correct for us what if we just simply allow it to be so without blaming the other, judging them, trying to find a reason why it does not work for us, making the other person wrong because they do not comply to the views we have as to what is caring, loving, this and that?
I for one think it’s beautiful, these unique connections we create with each individual. I mean how beautiful is that that each person you come across you will experience and share something unique and special? Isn’t that exciting? We cannot define what we will be, and make with the other and we cannot control it, we are designed the way we are. What if we accepted, loved, marveled ourselves for who we are and accepted the other for who they are without comparing them to anyone? Acknowledging that difference with eyes of wonder instead of judgment because they are not us. Because they are not…. no one is. What applies to us applies to no one else.
This comparing we do, it’s just a trap, such a trap, so silly. We are dealing with a separate individual….ALWAYS no matter how conditioned they are. It’s, not better, worse, good, or bad its whether they are correct for us, to have these people in your lives. And if they are guess what! They are not better people than those who are not in our life, the good ones, and the ones that are not are bad and stupid and this and that. No…..you are just not correct to be in each other’s life period nothing more. Ahhhh… this judgment and blame. It blinds us from the beauty of life, of ourselves, and the other.
When we perceive the other as the most caring person in the world or the most loving and we say “oh you are just love,” “you are kind” “you are unkind” “you are mean,” and this and that…is that really true? Or is it that they are the most caring person based on what we perceive and believe to be caring? According to our standards of what a caring and loving person does and acts? The standards of what we have been conditioned to deem as good and bad? Aaahhh…human silliness. We are rarely BEING with the other, with ourselves, and the world instead we are existing within the limitation of our minds.
Perhaps it’s time to be more aware?